Something traumatic does not have to be the only reason that you deserve care, love, support. What can also create pain for us is the lack of positive experiences in our lives.
Examples of this can be:
- In our childhood – our basic needs were met e.g., food, shelter, clothing but perhaps we didn’t receive encouragement, attention, play.
- In relationships – our partners/friends respond back to us but they never reach out first, a lack of “thinking of you” gestures (e.g. a message, a small gift), lack of being held (physically and/or emotionally).
- With work – you have a secure, well paid job but perhaps your work is under-appreciated, lacks creativity, lacks fulfilment.
Such factors can often be harder to address in our relationships where we might feel that we have “no right” to grieve or be upset. We can often invalidate ourselves or be invalidated by others with “At least” or “You should be grateful for…” statements.
We may feel that we are only allowed to feel care and empathy if something horrendous like loss, tragedies, abuse, a natural disaster has happened to us. We may feel that we are not worthy of help unless something socially recognised as “traumatic” has occurred.
However, the lack of positive experiences can also be painful and perhaps traumatic too. We need more than just our basics needs to be met in order to grow and feel fulfilled.
